The English Teacher

Angela B:
The fat man grabbed the controls of his beat-up airplane as he zoomed at the big mountain covered with dirt that got closer every minute, and couldn't get to them because he was so fat, so he grabbed his whip from his belt and lassoed the controls to see a farmer flip him off, and when he turned back around he saw that he was running into another cliff and then he crashed with a big boom.

Gina B:
The hairy, impulsive, reckless, dangerous, helpless, rebel swings from a rope that wishes it could drop him beneath the ocean, so that he can become fish food, fish food what a thought as, he swings to the girl grabbing her like a sack of potatoes saying, roughly in a deep voice, as deep as the black hole in space, "You Jane, me Tarzan!"

Christy C:
Captain Cheesy, the one-legged sea dog stood at the bow of his ragged torn down ship with his large pot belly protruding out toward the rushing sea, bellowing undeterminable commands to his unworthy ship crew who hated the crude blasphemous pirate for the obnoxious cackle that he let out at the sight of any oddity.

Deborah D:
Calvert, the honorable, wise, and magnificent Grand-Duke of Wirthlin, slayer-of-dragons, swallower-of-steel, and lean-of-body, sat pondering the mysteries of the universe and whether are and one really made fire, while picking the lint off his favorite, small, red, gold, purple, and green (and every other imaginable color in his small dingy world) holey socks.

Amy D:
The man reached up to his black, brown patch covering the eye that which was a white slimy eye socket..........

Sarah G:
Big Bad John sat at the end of the card table with his deadly confident poker face standing still in the dark, smoky light, hitting his cigarette-but wait, his attention was distracted when he saw the love of his life, the forbidden barmaid Lupalaska-yet as quickly as he was distracted, he returned his attention back to selecting a horse shoe for the big game-for the stakes were high as death in this challenge.

Kathy G:
The battle of the Erma people caught the eye of the world with its spelling bees, dance offs, and trivial questions, for the Erma people were polite and nonviolent and could find these to be the only way to win the head of Queen Erma whom lost it when playing a game of chess with the native head-hunter chief, by which he lost, and so did she.

Emily H:
The huge ship hit the shore like a ton of bricks causing everyone aboard to fall flat on their faces, but they regained enough balance to crawl on their knees off the boat to the sandy shore only to find itsy-bitsy-teeny-weeny little people inhabiting the dream island they thought they had discovered, but hadn't.

Carrie O:
I awoke from a deep sleep one night only to find a purple man in a green, yellow, red, blue, white, black and grey suit hovering my bed with a peculiarly wicked smile.

Roberta R:
The wild west was often taken for a dangerous exciting place, but as Marrin Boyce, the CEO of Webster's Publishing House, came to see it was a prairie with many new descriptive words to make-up and define, like not other even he would rather be doing.

Matt S:
The courageous knight looked up at the dark, fearsome clouds and then threw his pick into the hard rock by the shore of the island, causing a rumbling sound which cracked the earth and exposed a levitating bathtub inhabited by a duck with red lipstick and blonde hair; the duck billed out, "Hi honey, I'm home."

ROMANCE

Angela B:
Whutherford looked at the shining face of his true, best love, the woman of golden hair as soft as marmalade, ruby lips as red as blood, and skin the texture of the softest snake skin and sighed a breathy, booming sigh that smelled of fish, unaware that at the end of the story that his only reason for living would be plowed down by a runaway locomotive driven by his sadistic twin brother who hated the love he had for her, and took her in his arms under the yellow quarter of a moon.

Gina B:
Her huge, gigantic, ridiculously big body leaned over to give the scrawny, frail, useless man a wet slobbery kiss with those huge, hideous lips - - she had tried to put bright, fluorescent lipstick on them but ended up putting more on her face than lips, just at that moment he took the mongrel mutt of a dog, put it in the path of a kiss, and the dog then bit this huge, ferocious looking woman as she exclaimed with her eyes closed, "Oh, I like it rough!"

Deborah D:
As he turned his well-muscled body her way and gazed soulfully into her limpid eyes, her chest heaved with passion and she collapsed in rapture at the feet of his Adonis-like, tanned body, swearing undying lust forever.

Amy D:
A dark brown haired man with tan skin and muscles bulging lay on the ground sleeping peacefully in total content with himself but, as Lilla stared at the man of her dreams, she began noticing his precious rosy red lips turning blue which could mean the only truth was the man of her dreams was dead and beginning to rot.

Sarah G:
Her flashing blue eyes met his daring and fabulous green eyes across the room, only for them to be held in gridlock to see which one would break the trance that they were held in together, yet before they knew it, they were walking towards each other through the dim bar, pushing over objects, people, and even stepping on dogs, to reach their destination of each other's arms.

Kathy G:
He grabbed her arm, as she was about to jump out the window, with his big beefy strong hands and pulled her up to his chest and laid a big, sloppy, wet smooch on her nose.

Emily H:
Apollo grabbed her delicate hand and pulled her fragile body towards his huge muscular body to embrace her while the golden sun made her blond hair and blue eyes sparkle with passion as their faces grew closer and closer and his tender lips reached her red lips, as the fireworks exploded in the sky and.....

Roberta R:
As he opened the door to Billy Bob's fish market, a familiar crab-bait, fishlike aroma assaulted his nose, but by the look and manner in this man's walk, you knew he was on a mission, and Bertha, the new Billy Bob's fish maiden, was his target, whom he had heard of through the grapevine down at the local pier, here he was in charge of all left over fish scraps.

Matt S:
The moonlight glittered on the water, forming a string of pearls that gently washed up against the feet of the two adulterating love birds, who were staring into each other's eyes at they exchanged soft, caressing touches and listened to the melodious tones of the night owl overhead, who thought it unfortunate that the adorable couple did not see their spouses engaging in an equally romantic ritual on the other side of the island.

SCIENCE FICTION

Gina B:
The unicorn gracefully flew through the sky but up ahead couldn't see past the clouds, BANG right into a huge Redwood that seemed to be growing out of the cloud, her horn was stuck, lodged in the massive barky trunk of the tree which also had a honey nest - the honey started to drip on the beautiful white coat - wait a minute here comes Superman and he, of course, saved the day.

Deborah D:
Sheila got out her pamphlet "Learn to run a ship in 48 hours" and began reading the first sentence which said: "Driving a spaceship can be an incredibly simple talk if one first understands the complexities of combining the power of solar energy and the turbo thrust, as well as keeping in mind that one is a vacuum with little or no room for error as one is surrounded by black holes, meteorites, comets, and planets, not to mention the occasional spaceship and hot dog stand, and remembering that one is responsible for an incredibly large spaceship and probably hundreds of lives."

Amy D:
"2500 was the class to be," announced the 12 year old academy graduate bouncing and hopping, with diploma in hand, toward his newly roboticized mother who was smiling so big that the metal jaw plate got stuck, but the very educated boy got the plate unstuck and shouted: "I am leaving for Mars Advanced Training Program now."

Sarah G:
Underneath he earth they sat, silent in their waiting for the ferocious beast Melabarga, who looked like an overgrown sheep dog with the exception that it had not shaggy fur, only had two legs, no tail, didn't bark, and didn't eat dog food; despite this, it still scared the mutant humanoids to death like a dog.

Kathy G:
Carl awoke inside a bed of green and brown slime, wondering where he was, but as soon as he broke the outer shell that was trapping him in this slime, he was being sucked into a huge light only to find aliens with purple bodies and orange hair waiting to receive him in a hole that looked like a giant grave to him as soon as he reached the bottom of the hole he was becoming blinded by the huge amounts of slime being dumped on top of him, while his parents were sitting in their peaceful home wondering where he was.

Carrie O:
The relatively young man, though some might think him old, stood outside the seemingly tall metal sphere, though it may have been short to some, and just right to others, trying to figure out what the object was and where it had come from, all the while imagining the purple, yellow, blue, red, and black beings with tall antennas and big buggy eyes which were contained within, only to find that it was just an old metal tank with mere mice infesting it.

Roberta R:
As I was sitting in my living room on galactic space station relaxing and reading a 2194 Guiness Book of World Records, when my dog Poopers, the last of his breed, started barking, I got a little scared because Poopers hardly ever barks, but then as I turned around I saw what she was barking at, a giant black and white fuzzy hand was slowly evolving out of the T.V. set, I knew what it was and I was prepared for it with my galactic laser gun start shooter, but the only thing I couldn't out was how it found me.

Matt S:
The red, blinking light flashed like a giant, refracted flare from the sun two and one-quarter inches from the device which allowed Jim to reinstate the normal ship perimeters; however, Jim realized he was too late-the hangar door opened with a loud clank and the change in pressure ripped through Jim's head, distracting him from the emerging figure, which, when he regained his composure, saw was Cecil in her 76-Triple D sports bra, the video store clerk he had seen long ago, only to find he was sliding toward her, closer and closer to the huge rip in her pants which had once bellowed like a tornado.

WESTERN

Angela B:
Buffalo Bruce pulled his six-shooter out of his belt and faced Chief Running-Amok-In-The-Wilderness-Of-Life-During-A-Violent-Rainstorm, many of the tribe who surrounded him, so many in fact that he shot all four-hundred of them down and then pointed the gun at Chief Running-Amok-In-The-Wilderness-Of-Life-During-A-Violent-Rainstorm, and stared him in the eye saying, "How, Chief Running-Amok-In-The-Wilderness-Of-Life-During-A-Violent-Rainstorm, how are you, part'ner?"

Gina B:
The frail, scraggly, toothpick sized man tried to lift the huge AK-47 that was strapped Rambo-style across his back to shoot the man he was pacing back to back with, he turned to square up and shoot but his frail arms that contained no muscle couldn't get the huge, monstrous, gigantic gun on his back and so..... he died.

Christy C:
Chief Sitting Dog sat around the glowing fire of his teepee with the wise men of the tribe, when all of a sudden there was a ruckus outside to the east of their camp, and at once they reacted by crawling on all fours outside the smoke filled teepee where they were confronted with General S.B. Scott and the fourth regiment who were a group of sorry-looking men in blue uniform.

Deborah D:
Shoot-em-in-the-back Jack, shot the hero deader than a doornail (or so he thought), downed his tenth shot of whiskey and then tried to step toward the doors, only to discover that his boots had been tied together by the not-so-beautiful barmaid Mildred, where upon, he fell flat on his face.

Sarah G:
Buck's mind wandered slowly to the past when he was a child, when he would run and play with his sisters, when he would often be harassed by them, when he would have his face rubbed in the dirt; when thinking this his mind then wondered, "What made me turn into such a hero by saving women when my life has practically been ruined by them," never mind that thought, he thought, it was off to save the single women's wagon train.

Kathy G:
His ragged blue jeans hung from the dirty flaccid skin that covered his body with dark brown leather patches that covered the holes that had been produced there from riding his horse, Leeroy, too much before he learned that the saddle went on the horse's back not his own.

Emily H:
The tall, handsome man with a dark mustache and dark, coarse hair sticking out of the edge of his brown, weathered cowboy hat waved goodbye to his newly-wed wife as he climbed upon his sturdy brown horse and rode off into the unknown, deserted desert, not knowing that ahead of him were the most fearsome tribe of Indians in the West, and in less than an hour he would be lying in the middle of the desert with an arrow sticking out of his heart and the dust blowing over his body and eventually covering him and his wife never being able to find him.

Carrie O:
The old man sat upon an even older mule as he galloped away from the old town in purple jeans, green boots, and a bright pink shirt, all the while scared of the woman he was to marry when he got to the next town, for he had heard so many rumors about he was beginning to wish he'd die before getting there because the only other way he could get out of marrying her was to have a duel against her twin sister and he didn't want the last thing he saw to be a large woman in a pastel pink dress with a gun pointing at him.

Roberta R:
The scrawny horse paced back and forth in his stall, clumsily and out of place like he was just coming of age, that the unshaven, dirty, chewing cowboy who owned the horse waited to saddle the horse, just sat on the fence and flicked cow chips off his boots and watched, waiting for a good time to ride the horse, even though there was no "good" time because the horse could and would collapse if there was any weight heavier than a horseshoe placed on him.

Matt S:
The sun beat down on the hard clay as the dry, swirling dust beat up against the Stranger's face who was lying in the middle of the road next to the Slimy Saloon which towered over him, making the drunken men above him look very small as they puked out the windows, when slowly, the town sheriff came closer, crunching the gravel underneath his spurred boots and asked what was wrong; the stranger replied that he had been trampled down by Big Bertha on a horse, with whom he had stayed the previous night.

MYSTERY

Angela B:
Lightning flashed outside the window, and thunder roared loud in the inspector's ears as he shared house with his insane brother only of them there, and suddenly, the thunder was echoed by the sound of a gun, and the inspector fell to the floor dead while his jealous twin brother gloated about being able to take the inspector's place, while gleefully shouting, "Now let's see you tell the police who dunnit, you little crap!"

Gina B:
It was a dark, dreary, rainy, stormy, muddy, lightning-boltish, cloudy, foggy, thunderish night at Herman's old mansion. He had invited his long lost twin over for dinner this awful night, he had never seen her before. She was ten hundred times as big as Big Bertha. He greeted her at the door but she couldn't fit so he got his crow bar and pried her through the door, in the process she landed on top of him and killed the little fragile man. Just then she started screaming, "I've fallen and I can't get up," a shadow shone in the moonlight... and she thought... is somebody going to come kill me. Yes but the knife got caught in al her blubber and she unfortunately survived, but who stabbed her?

Christy C:
Outside the sky was pitch black except when lit by a violent flash of lightning, while inside the enormous and ancient castle the newly wed couple sat pleasantly before a crackling fire enjoying their first night away from their childhood homes, however this was soon to end for when Sally went into the kitchen to prepare cheese and crackers she heard a muffled yelp which she responded to by returning to the living room her new husband Hank was nowhere to be found, so she stood there eyes wide wondering where he had gone.

Deborah D:
Detective Charley sat hidden in the shadows while the villain shot the other man dead, shouting the whole time the location of the queen's stolen jewels, who his accomplices were, all their past evil doings, and why he had to shoot the man, thus solving the mystery before it had ever begun.

Kathy G:
The clouds were dark with gloom as a shot rang through the pitch black room which hit the back of the fair maiden Bella just minutes before the murderer tripped over her dead body, hit his head on the piano, and knocked himself out only to awaken seconds before he was to be shot by a masked man whom his ghost had to come back to find and seek revenge upon.

Emily H:
It was a dark and dreary day when Melissa and Nancy set out for a shopping spree in Eugene, but when they were about halfway it started to pout and it made the roads very slippery and when the car went tumbling off the side of the road and they seemed to be fine, the car was the least of their worries because the face of a dead decaying man was plastered against their windshield, was he Melissa's long-lost father, or could it be Nancy's brothers, cousin's homosexual lover?

Carrie O:
I jumped at each little creak or whistle as the wind blew against the dark old house, where I was staying with my friend's family and watched my friend laugh each time I asked what the noise was, then I heard the loud pounding of footsteps coming up the stairs toward our room as the walls shook and floor screeched and I got more and more afraid at what was coming closer and closer, only to hear the door open and a huge beast-like thing walk in as I imagined what it would feel like to be eaten alive, then it spoke: "Dinner's ready."

Roberta R:
It was going to be another Sunday night dinner with the family, a normal dinner where dad made the turkey and mom made the stuffing, but when we sat down to eat the lights flickered, a scream rang through the dining room and the lights flickered back on, but Aunt Margaret was dead.
* Turn to page 29 if Uncle Dido did it with a knife
* Page 31 if Mom did it with the candlestick
* Page 33 if Bad Bad Broomhilda the wicked stepsister did it with her own bare hands
* Or page 81 if Dad did it with the automatic turkey knife carver

Matt S:
The lightning crackled in the stiff night air as Mr. Quinn moved closer and closer to the chair, turning it around slowly only to see Dr. Calgary suffocated with a pair of fuzzy dice and tattooed with a colorful picture of Bozo the Clown, when from the corner of his eye, he saw movement on the other end of the study and then a flash of blue and while polka-dots; as Mr. Quinn felt his life expiring, he saw only bright, red curly hair and heard the honking of a child's toy nose, realizing that he never should have flipped off that carnival clown when he was.....